In Nature and The Human Soul, p 168-172, Bill Plotkin writes:
"The child reveals that she's on the brink of puberty neither by her age nor by observable changes in her body but by a profound alteration in her primary motivations and her understanding of what the world is. He psychospiritual centre of gravity - the hub of her world - shifts from family and nature (where it was during the Garden) to peer group, sexual identity, and the larger society beyond her family...
"When parents notice the earliest sign of psychsocial puberty, they have the responsibility and pleasure of preparing, will the full participation of their child, a ceremonial rite of passage."
So - how do people become confident and able to take this on?
"Of the nine major life transitions on the Wheel, puberty is especially important to celebrate, because it is the first one in life in which the individual possesses conscious self-awareness on both sides of the passage. Consequently, a puberty rite provides the individual with an experiential template for all subsequent major life passages. A puberty rite also eases the transition and brings clarity for all family members, and the child is enabled to begin adolescence with less confusion and more pride and confidence. Parents have the opportunity to ceremonially conclude their role in parenting a largely dependent child, offer their blessings, and prepare for the very different role of parenting a much more independent youth - an adolescent.
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It's crucial, howeer, to understand that a puberty rite is an initiation into adolescence, not adulthood. The latter is still two life stages away."
"A puberty rite in a modern soulcentric family might include the following elements:
- A period of preparation, perhaps as long as a year. Preparations might include:
- Putting away childhood things. The child is guided in gathering her belongings and clothing specific to childhood. She divides these items into those she'll keep and those she won't. Before and / or during the puberty rite, the initiate will either give to younger children the items in the second group or ceremonially sacrifice them (either by recycling them or, for those items that are non-toxic and biodegradable, by burning or burying them or casting them in a river). These items symbolize the qualities of childhood that the initiate will leave behind - perhaps a security blanket or certain toys that imply a small worldview. (In a sense, the puberty rite is a funeral for the Explorer.) The first group of items symbolises the childlike traits that the initiate intends to take with her into adolescence and adulthood, such as a prized collection of rocks or pinecones that speaks of her capacity for wonder.
- A number of instructional meetings with a group of adults of the same gender as the child (usually not including the child's parent, because the puberty rite as a whole constitutes the ending of the family's role as the hub of the child's life). This group might be made up of friends of the parents, aunts or uncles, grandparents, community elders, and / or others chosen by the initiate. The meetings might include more than one initiate. The purpose of these meetings is the transmission of fundamental principles concerning sexual maturity and social roles, illustrated with informative and engaging stories. Topics might include the biology and the psychology of sexuality; the naturalness, goodness, and sacredness of sex; the physical, emotional, and spiritual nature of sexual relationships; what it means to be sexually mature; how to create and maintain a masculine or feminine role among peers; the nature of emotional intimacy; and what it will mean to become an initiated adult (two stages later).
- These meetings might also be the time to teach or remind the initiate(s) about the community's world story - stories that reveal the sacredness of the world and of all life - and its understanding of the psychospiritual stages of the human life cycle, perhaps while presenting a four-directions map such as the Wheel of Life. And introduction to the Wheel might happen outdoors, everyone sitting on the ground, with the map embodied in stones and other natural objects. There might also be a review of, or advanced instruction in, psychosocial skills, such as emotional access and expression, conflict resolution, and expression of empathy.
- Individual preparation activities, such as self-exploration and value clarification through creative writing, music, dance, drawing and painting.
- Fashioning of adolescent symbols and implements. As the time of the puberty rite nears, the initiate might be assisted in crafting items that will either aid him during the rite or symbolize his community role during the next stage - perhaps a blanket, a knife, a basket, or an article of clothing. These items would be 'officially' employed for the first time during the puberty rite. [nice if other people make gifts like this for the initiate - eg an older sibling, parent or close friend]. Boys and girls might choose different sorts of items that symbolize differences in gender roles.
- The puberty rite itself, lasting anywhere from several hours to a couple of days, with activities such as:
- Purification rites - for example bathing, water immersion, sweat ceremonies, smudging with burning herbs or incense, prayers, and blessings.
- Men's and women's circles open only to the initiate(s), initiated adolescents, and adults, for lively exchanges on the significance of puberty and the opportunities and obligations of adolescence, and for generating gender-specific ways to support and celebrate the initiate's transition.
- The initiate's ceremonial sacrifice, either private or witnessed, of some of the childhood objects and symbols.
- The initiate's giveaway, to younger children, of other childhood items.
- The initiate's gifts to parents, expressing gratitude for birthing and growing her as a child.
- Gifts to the initiate by members of the family and community - gifts that symbolise the end of childhood and the attainment of adolescence.
- Statements and symbolic enactments by parents, other adults, and older adolescents concerning the character of the initiate.
- Statements or symbolic enactments demonstrating that the initiate is leaving behind childhood.
- A ritual enactment with closest family members, perhaps witnessed by others, that symbolises the cutting of the bonds of childhood that have kept her safe yet restricted within the womb of the family. One way I've seen this done begins with the family standing in a close circle. The initiate holds on to one end of a ball of twine and tosses the ball to another person in the family. The tossing of the ball proceeds from one family member to the next until there is a web of twine connecting each family member to every other. Here, then, is a visual and poignant embodiment of the intertwined heart connections. Then, the initiate cuts herself free with a knife, perhaps looking each family member in the eye as she makes her cut and thanks them for their part in growing her. This ritual ends with the initiate leaving the ceremonial site either alone or accompanied by adolescent, adult and/or elder members of the same gender. As the initiate leaves, her family shouts words of love, encouragement, and their feelings of both sadness and pride in seeing her go.
- At some point, perhaps in the middle of the night, a meeting with one or more nonfamilial adults - soul-initiated adults - of the complementary gender. Everyone is seated on the floor or the ground, in a circle. The initiate is instructed in the psychosexual nature of the other gender and in the dynamics of sexual relationships from the perspective of that gender. The sacredness of sex is emphasised, and the initiate's natural curiosity about sexuality is encouraged to flow freely in questions. A nonfamilial adult of the initiate's gender, serving as witness and support, accompanies him or her. This meeting might best take place outdoors around a campfire or inside a tent, yurt, teepee, or other small, ceremonial structure.
- Solo time outdoors, perhaps in a place held sacred by the initiate or the community. Either a long, wakeful night or a more extended period, by which the initiate demonstrates her willingness and ability to take care of herself; to be separate from the care and comfort of parents, siblings, and peers; and to encounter aloneness and personal demons.
- A ceremony, with symbolic objects and / or ritual actions, in which the initiate claims Earth as her primary mother and the Sun or sky as her principle father. This ensures that the initiate continues to be parented, but now by powers greater than just her mum and dad, who, during the ceremony, make a ritual enactment of surrendering a portion of their role as parents.
- A ritual to reintegrate the initiate, as an adolescent, into the family, emphasizing the different stauts that the initate now occupies, using symbolicaly significant clothing, words (for example, vows and lists of new responsibilities and freedoms), gestures, and/or other actions.
- A community feast or celebration."
He also says you can do simpler things powerfully too.
Nature and the Human Soul, p168 - 172
"There was once a village alongside a great river in Africa. The water rolled along the sand each day as it had the day before, the year before, the century before, and all the time before that which no one even bothered to count. And all that time, people lived in the village. And all that time, when girls reached a certain age - the age when nature began to work changes in their bodies - their elders gave them a gift. The gift stood for female beauty, and with it came certain powers, status, and responsibilities."
